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Review your emotional development. Think about your first meeting. Try to remember that moment to see if your feelings are still the same or have grown. The familiar concept – “love at first sight” is really just a temporary flutter because of the attractiveness of the appearance. Love is the exact opposite, as feelings will increase over time, from accidentally falling in love to something deeper. [1]
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Write down a list of pros and cons. Think about what you like and don’t like about that person. Reading the reasons on paper, will help you better assess your feelings. [2] When you look at their flaws, you may be discouraged, but this is your chance to think more deeply about what you love. Try to list the sides in as much detail as possible. Don’t worry about the extent of the pros or cons. You just need to write down your thoughts according to the following suggestions:
- Pros: good-looking, kind, someone you can talk to comfortably
- Cons: a bit messy, sometimes acts like a child, sometimes relies on
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Review your list. Analyze the pros and cons to see if you’re seeing the reality or idealizing the person’s image. Circle or highlight the strengths that make you flutter and the cons that don’t affect your feelings. Evaluate whether the reasons listed are petty or really important. If you can’t fully accept a person – including flaws and everything, that’s not love yet. [3]
- For example, falling in love is when you ignore their clutter because you appreciate their generosity or the way they engage in conversation.
- On the contrary, your feelings are not yet love when you feel comfortable seeing them, but you cannot imagine a future with them by your side.
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Consider empathy. Notice how you share your joys or sorrows when you hear them talk about good or bad things. For example, if you started to cry when your partner broke down in tears when she told them that she had just passed away, it means that you feel their pain. It is a positive sign of love. [4]
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Acknowledge how you feel when you’re not around. Ask if you really feel that way when you say “I miss you”/”I miss you”. If you really want that person around, that could be love. If you’re eager to make plans for yourself when you two meet, it’s probably just a temporary crush. [5]
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Analyze future plans. Try to picture your life in the next five or ten years. Think about the effects of changes in career, children, and relocation. Are you willing to work with that person to face things from small things to serious illnesses? Think about how you took care of them or how they took care of you later. If you can envision a long-term future with this person, it’s probably love. [6]
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Has he changed you? This does not mean that you completely change your personality. Instead, see if you expand your horizons because of your partner’s influence. For example, perhaps you never thought about spending time planting trees last weekend when your partner asked you to join a reforestation project. After doing this, you feel a magical connection to nature and feel grateful for that person. If that person makes you change for the better, maybe it’s love. [7]
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Note your feelings towards tedious things. Think back to how you felt when you did the usual and uninteresting things with your partner. For example, you usually don’t like going to the supermarket but suddenly become excited because your partner comes with you. This could be a sign of love. On the other hand, if you’re bored and looking forward to doing something else, you’ve probably just had a crush. [8]
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Think about feeling jealous. Notice how you feel when you catch your partner talking to someone else. Note how you feel when other people flirt with your partner. Think about whether you wonder if your partner will lose interest in you because someone else is flirting with them. Jealousy is a healthy response from time to time that makes you want to be more attached to your partner. In fact, you could have fallen in love, if it felt like that. [9]
- On the contrary, if you are suspicious and want to investigate that person, it is not love. Or, it’s the unhealthy kind of love. Maybe you just switched from ‘a crush’ to ‘obsessed’. [10]
